I’m not sure if “The Real World” from MTV is even on anymore, I believe I’ve moved out of the prime demographic for MTV. Nonetheless, I’m reminded of the tagline from the show, “… Find out what happens when people stop being polite and start getting real.” I would like to change that to, find out what happens when people stop trying to act perfect and start getting real. I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to get real.
I enjoyed dinner and wine with friends the other day. We have a monthly dinner with discussion questions. (Any other OFW participate in IF: Table?) One question was why are we afraid of being authentic, real, and showing our weakness with others? The consensus was that we are afraid. We are afraid of judgment and we are fearful that the Pinterest perfect facade we have built for the world might be proven a fake.
What if we decide to be real and share our weakness or struggles with others? Would our relationships be better? Could the things we have gone through help someone else?
I think many of us have grown weary of the people who are trying to appear Pinterest perfect. It is the celebrities who claim that their cellulite free thighs and flat stomachs are from, “chasing a toddler around” and no exercise or dieting. To the women on Instagram who have perfectly coiffed hair and a flawless home with minimal effort, I’m not buying it. The people who claim that their naturally perfect life just comes easily, I call bull. Why are we wasting so much energy trying to achieve this illusion of perfection?
Furthermore, we as women start shaming others who don’t live up to our own perception of perfection. We make others feel bad who are different or not perfect like ourselves (HA!). Somehow, the lie of “having it all” continues to be passed around. You can be all, have all and you will be happy. We are not doing our job unless we are raising our own organic free-range chicken and eggs, while growing our own organic food (GMO free, naturally), while regularly running marathons, avoiding sugar, being sweaty and flexible in bikram yoga, having an exciting and adventurous sex life with our husbands (you orgasm every single time), raising emotionally stable and intelligently gifted children, not ever watching TV, only reading books by literary geniuses, sewing our own clothes, crafting our own environmentally sustainable furniture, while earning our own six figure income, and maintaining a solid group of friendships and support. Y’all, this sh$% ain’t real. I’m not sure how we simultaneously believe others perfection while at the same time not believing it. We somehow know in our hearts it is a scam and yet, if “so-and-so” can do it, I can too. “So-and-so” is LYING. They are probably doing one or two things awesome, just like us. The rest of it is flawed.
How about this generation of women change things. We can’t have it all. We can’t be good at all things. We start communicating to our daughters that perfection is unobtainable and over-rated. We start by stopping our attempts to be perfect and start getting real. We become genuine with our lives, our hopes and our hurts. We stop shaming other women. We realize that when we choose to be real and open we open up the door to enrich someone else’s life, not keep them down.
I’ll start. My house is clean and well-organized whenever you come over. This is because I clean my house and organize something every day or each week. It takes a lot of time, but it makes me happy. I don’t judge you if your house isn’t organized like an anal retentive person (aka me). I spend time before I post any picture on social media to ensure that it barely shows the fact that I need to lose weight. I sometimes forget to put on deodorant because I’m thinking about other things. I hope you couldn’t tell when I gave you a hug. Last night at bible study my stomach was KILLING me and I had to unbutton my pants. I am the picture of perfection.
What happens when we stop attempting to be perfect and start getting real? We build each other up. We actually feel better about ourselves because we realize that everyone is like us in some way. Me and you: full of amazing talents, hobbies, and perfectly imperfect things. We can’t have it all or do it all. We each do a few things amazingly well, the rest is just alright (if it gets done at all) and that is okay.
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