If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: “You knew what you were getting yourself into when your husband went into the oilfield”.
Actually, no, I didn’t know.
I knew the basics. I knew he’d be working long, hard hours outdoors. I knew the job might move him here and there a few times. I knew he’d be working basically non-stop for 2 weeks at a time. I also knew that this was going to be a huge challenge in our relationship. Again, I knew the basics.
What I didn’t know was the downright struggle and sacrifices oilfield families truly face. I did not know the heart and soul of the oilfield like I know it now. And I certainly didn’t know it would lead us to where we are today.
I compare it to child birth. People can tell you all day long what to expect, what it feels like, how hard and exhausting it is, and how rewarding it is. That’s great! Give me all your insight so I know what to expect! Prepared? HELL NO! Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, can prepare you for what it actually feels like to give birth until you yourself are in the middle of active labor, contractions swallowing you like a black hole, as your body writhes in the most extreme pain you’ve ever felt. Not to mention that each person’s experience is 100% unique to them. And to think I had the upper hand! Ha! No one can prepare you for oilfield life either (and oilfield life doesn’t give the option of epidurals).
I didn’t know the beginning would test how strong we really were to the depths it did. I knew I’d have to dig deep down inside me to find the strength I needed to be okay with this change (I was against it in the beginning). However, I didn’t know that it would almost break us. There were many, many times we were ready to throw in the towel on our marriage, and not just in the beginning. Oilfield life literally changed the complete dynamic of who we are as a married couple. It changed the way we live and the way we love. I surely was not prepared for that! I must’ve missed that section of the “How to be an Oilfield Wife” handbook.
I also didn’t know it would change my husband. Prior to us, my husband was a Marine. He’s strong and he knows the life of hard work, danger, long hours, and being away from home. He may have been more prepared than I for the multitude of changes that came with this life. But I wasn’t prepared for how it would change him back into that military man that he was before. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but no one could prepare me for the man that walked through our door after training. He came back harder (mind and body), tougher, and far less tolerant than he was before. I didn’t know that side of him, and although I love him with all my heart and soul regardless, I didn’t know I’d have to fall in love with a different version of the man I married.
I knew I’d miss him. However, I did not know the depths of loneliness I would feel when he was actually gone. I also didn’t know how strong I was and all the things I could endure alone until he was gone. Again, not all bad things, but there is certainly nothing anyone can say to tell you how much you’ll long for one more kiss, one more hug before bed each night.
I also knew nothing about the politics, constant changes, extreme dangers, and pressure my husband would face. The oilfield is not your typical job, and (as you all know) oilfield life does not produce your typical family. Some of you may remember a previous post I wrote called “Oilfield Whiplash”. While we knew there would be changes in locations, durations, and positions, nothing can prepare you for the ‘not knowing what is coming when’ type of life.
So, to sum it up, you can have your opinion on what I “should have” known when my husband got on that plane, but in reality…there was nothing you could say or do to actually prepare me for oilfield life. And honestly, it isn’t your job to do so. Each oilfield wife, oilfield worker, and oilfield family faces unique changes and challenges. It isn’t our place to say “suck it up, buttercup, you should’ve known”, it is, however, our place to say “I get it, and it’ll be okay.”
Join the Real Oilfield Wives Community!