I love my life. My Hot Oil Man and I have worked very hard to make a nice home and we have amazing children. The majority of the time we are happy, healthy, and content. I’m usually upbeat and always thankful for what we have. But this doesn’t mean that there won’t be the occasional bump in the road. The dark places. Whether it’s a financial problem, health issue, marital problem, or something else –there’s always going to be something that pops up unexpectedly and shakes everything up. These unexpected storms cloud my positive outlook and keep me from enjoying our life.
I am a planner. The calendar is my best friend. I blame this on two factors: 1) I think it’s partly just my personality and who I am by nature –I like to be neat and organized. 2) Being an oilfield wife, when I’m alone, if I am not organized and in control, then I won’t be able to manage it all. It’s how I cope. Therefore, I am happiest when the road is going smoothly –when I know what is on the schedule and there are no surprises. When the paychecks are big enough to cover it all, and our only complaint is missing my HOM while he’s at work…that’s smooth sailing. Those are the easy times. But then the storm comes and messes up “my” plan… whatever that storm may be. That’s when I get down, when I feel that I can’t manage, control, or handle everything on my own. It reminds me that I’m human. I feel small. I am reminded that I have emotions, and that I need help from time to time…and none of those things are pleasant! I don’t want to be human, I don’t want to be emotional, and I don’t want to ask for help. That’s when I feel like crying, “Oh, woe is me!!” and hiding under the covers until the storm passes.
During those times that road is bumpy or the boat is rocking and I feel like I’m losing control, it’s a good time to remember that I have never truly had control in the first place. I might think I’m steering the boat, but God is actually directing its path. I might think I’m the one planning and carrying out all our daily activities, but it’s not just me. I have my husband behind me, supporting me, whether he’s here physically or not. I also have a group of friends and family that are both near and far away who won’t let us drown. So in the darkest of times, I find peace in remembering that no matter what the storm brings, I am not alone. I’ll try to keep my chin up and not let my doubts, fears, and insecurities control me. This too shall pass.
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